Hey Everyone,Thanks for all your well wishes for Ed and I and our Baby. I am so sad to let you guys know that unfortunately, during my routine checkup yesterday, the doctor discovered that our Baby had no heartbeat anymore. I was made to stay at the hospital from 230 that afternoon until about 2am this morning, because they performed a procedure on me at around 10:30pm. I was 13 weeks along, and now our baby is a little angel in heaven.Everyone keeps telling me I did nothing wrong. The doctor said unfortunately, this happens more often than he’d like to see, and that my symptoms and what happened are nothing new. I felt like slapping him, because this is all new to me and a complete nightmare, but I know he was just trying to make me feel better. We asked what it was, and he said it may have been some genetic disorder (not something inherited) and it was too early to detect it, so realy, nothing could have been done. I wasn’t even due for the tests where they check out all that stuff for another month and a half or so, so I guess there really isn’t anything that could have been done.Why do I feel like the worst person alive? I know there is something I could’ve done. I won’t deny it, I am a complete wreck right now, so if you try to write to me or message me and I don’t get back to you, please give me some time, and I will.

I am so sorry I let everyone down. All the cousins who were ready to be aunties and uncles. Our parents who were ready to be the best grandparents in the world. And especially my siblings – Chris, John, Cathrine, Jay-Ar, and Monique – I am so sorry that I let you guys down. I know you were looking forward to having a niece or nephew.

My heartfelt thanks go out to Audrey. Audrey, when I found out, you were the first person I called – and you were there in 5 minutes. Thanks for crying with me outside the hospital, and for sitting with me on the bench while I cried some more. You were the first person I thought of who would know what to say. And when I just wanted to sit and cry, that’s what you let me do. Your friendship is a blessing and I thank you so much for being there for me when I absolutely needed you the most.

Please pray for Ed and the Baby. Ed has been great throughout this whole thing, and I am having a hard time being strong for him when I can barely stop crying. Please pray for our baby – pray that she finds my grandparents and all my loved ones in heaven so that she or he isn’t alone and knows that they want her or him up there just as much as I wanted her or him down here.

Love always,